My Ah Ha!

Everyone goes through a time of reflection.  Some of us spend more time than others on it.  I am one of those people.  I am extremely critical of myself, and I struggle with it everyday.  My ego, which in studying Kabbalah, is considered the Devil likes to peer out.  I am not a religious person, I went through a time where I was so deep into the study of it.  Why? you ask.  I was seeking answers for myself  after I suffered from a brutalizing period of Depression.  Anywhoo, that is going in the wrong direction. LOL! someday I will share that too.  My reason for this entry is to share the revolation of the type of personality I am.  I was having a conversation with my husband of 14 years.  We have agreed to disagree our entire marriage.  LOL! believe it or not it has worked!  We have had to do that in so many occasions, that I think it has been our saving grace at times.  I am a FEELER.  I think with my emotions.  When I analyze or reflect on the outcome of my actions and or words. I think first of how it is going to make the recipiant feel.  I wear my heart on my sleeve.  This can be my greatest asset at times and also my worst enemy.  I am so sensitive to critism.  I feel it before I can really set down and take it all in.  I recieve it well but not before the initial blow of  emotional injury first.  I learn from it and move on, but experience real Pain prior to doing so.  I contrubute this to the emotional scars I encountered from falling in LOVE so young in life.  I was IN love at the age of 12.  This is honestly a true statement.  I was so young and niave, but it was the truest emotion I personally have ever felt.  I was with this person until I was 18 years old.  He didn't feel the same in the end.  Keep a side note on that story too! LOL!  Because of the devistation at such a young and tender age I feel that it started at that time.  When disciplining my kiddos, I always think about how they will react to the words, I choose in the situation.  Will this damage who they will become in the future. Yes, I am obsessive! I have actually been diagnosed with the anxiety disorder.  LOL! another strory too.   It has been an eye opener for me to acknowledge this aspect of my psyche. Knowledge is power! It helps in  coping with the dificulities and breakthroughs we all experience.  So I am a FEELER!!!!!!!!kizzez, huggz n luvz